i guess it's the age.. being 17 is not the best time in life. it's filled with doubts and confusion and hate. and i got a big portion of each one of them >.< lucky me..
i hate humanity for being selfish and stupid and i still don't know who i really am and what path i should follow and i'm not as good as i wanna be. plus i hate winter for the gray skies and the cold days and the empty trees that take away all the joy of the day. i wish spring is coming soon and fills my heart with joy and love and hope again. god is my favorit artist, but winter isn't his masterpiece at all..
i wish i could paint the sky like he does sometimes <3 i wish i could paint at all! but all i do is putting lines and colors on paper that don't really match the picture in my head.. sometimes i wish my brain is connected to a printer instead of two left hands.
annie
3 comments:
Hey Annie
did you want me to publish your comment? I usually publish most comments but if you wanted me to keep it private I will. Not that there's anything too private written in it but I know some of the others that comment can be offensive and childish.
In response to your query, I've always had an over active imagination and with that comes a mind that won't let up. It certainly drove me in circles and tied me in knots so I completely sympathise with what you say. I'm not gonna say "I was 17 once" because to be honest I don't feel like I have grown up much since then. Of course I can do taxes and by houses but that's not really growing up. I think I got past the idea that I was once a sapling and now I am a tree, the way I see it is that if you peal back the layers of a tree, you'll find that the sapling is and always has been in the center all along.
Another lesson I recently learned is that ones mind is just another tool to make life more joyful, therefore turn it off when its not needed. Otherwise it will make you think that it is you and without it you are nothing...thats just not true.
For all the deep thinking I try and spend more time just watching and listening and escaping from the rants and ideas of my mind by returning to the immediacy of where ever I am at that moment, which is my reality. There is no waste of time since time is the very thing that cannot be stored.
Don't worry too much about the future because in doing so you are missing the only time you occupy...now.
And the character...thats a whole new story in its own right. There is no pre made box designed for you however much society will try and squeeze you into it. Don't get too caught up in others impressions of you, the character or personality you wear on the outside is only an idea. And ideas are just words or drawings of things and not the actual things themselves. I am more like you than you think...only maybe more confused but at peace with the craziness of it all. just laugh when ever you can, and don't be in a hurry to be anywhere or anyone that your not.
I like your blog. you make sense to me. no need to change.
Take care
Oh and a great book I read when i was your age was "the Tao of pooh". gave me a little life line to outside of myself.
oh and I found this...I thought you'd find it funny....
"i really dont want to be that famous that everyone knows me and expects me to be like they want me to be. i actually hate that. i hate that when others tell me what to be like and how to act right"
Annie said...
(i totally agree with andreajane. ian looked way better with shorter hair. his hair now is another chapter of my daily annoyance. trying to understand his oppinion about looking good is harder than training my hamster to use the ramp instead of climing the grille of her cage up and down to get to the other levels. both drives me crazy and is nonsense. -the end-)
it made me chuckle.
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